the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
