So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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