My room smells like vodka and shame
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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