i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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