Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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