It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
as a side note pls kill me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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