You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
