I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
