I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
