I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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