I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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