Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
