i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
