Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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