I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i barfeds in our rink
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
