Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
