I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
