She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
