I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
