just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
