I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
