dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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