My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
