i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
