I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just had sex on a roof
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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