yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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