Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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