omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
