A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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