I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
