you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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