So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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