I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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