so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
