watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need water and some morals
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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