Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
