we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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