i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
