1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Randomize
