You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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