i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
