i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
