Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
