its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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