Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
