I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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