I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
