Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
