Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
