my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
