we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
