Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
