Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
