Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
