I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
pray to the hookup gods
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
