was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
