Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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