I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
