Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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