My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
