Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
