Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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