Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
