Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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