hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
