Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
