you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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