and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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