Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
