I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
