I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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