I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need moral support for this bender
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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