I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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