What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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