I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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